I'd wear matching sweaters with you
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
