i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
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