I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Randomize
