Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
not ubering you a puppy
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
Randomize
