I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
