So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
