You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
