Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
Randomize
