I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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