That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
