I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
