I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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