Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
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