I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
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