I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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