She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Randomize
