I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
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