Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize