good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Randomize
