sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Randomize
