guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
