just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Randomize
