Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
