And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Randomize
