Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
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