Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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