saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Randomize
