Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
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