big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
