A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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