did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize
