Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
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