Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
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