I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Randomize
