So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize