Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Randomize
