I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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