i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Randomize
