You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
