And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
