Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Randomize
