oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
