I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
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