We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Randomize
