The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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