I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize
