Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
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