At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
I need a burrito and a hug.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Randomize
