He disabled his match.com account in front of me
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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