we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
