What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Randomize
