Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
