you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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