I hate all girls vehemently.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
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