Kiss
Puke
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
