I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
