I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
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