I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
