But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
handjob tips. give me some.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
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