Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
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