Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
