I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
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