so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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