if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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