Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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